There is a
reason we hate being alone. You know the “man is a social animal thing” however
cliche it is IS for the wrong reasons. And no matter how hard I try to make
sense of it, what stands out for me in it, is just this:
Humans wish
they meant something. To someone. To their spouses, children, lovers, someone.
Anyone. Its almost as if we don't have a sense of identity unless we are
validated by the presence of another in our lives. Another soul to gratify our needs to feel existent, feel
eased out on the pressures of judgement, to look happier to the world , accomplished,
to scare away the fear of loneliness, of appearing like we are not unworthy of love. Humans wish we mean something to someone, we
are the center of universe for someone, we make a difference to someone in our moments
of presence and more in times of absence.
We, the
superior of all races, wishes and prays hard, to find a loving wife, a wife who
is dutiful and pretty and considers only me, her Hero. We want our children to
be dependant on us and we wanna make big decisions for them, because we are
wise. We want to be loved at our
workplace, because it makes us feel important. We want to be married by a
certain age or are dying to have that
relationship for ages now, because we want to feel secure & safe. No
more losing out, no more feeling sorry for ourselves, no more waiting and
feeling like a loser.
We hate
being alone, Spending time alone, Eating alone, drinking alone, watching a
movie alone.Because no one does that. ‘Noone does that’. If I do that, people
will only think im lonely and im unworthy. Its just an active demonstration of
what I feel deep inside and don't wanna showcase to the world anyway. Spending time alone is not for me. I don't like
the kind of pressure I feel when people at the restaurant welcome me with
sympathetic glances at how hollow and shallow my life is. Vacuum fills my life
when I have no one to argue my points of view with about a movie or a play. Eating
alone would also mean avoiding chewing and relishing every morsel of my food
rather gulping it down my throat given the non verbal body language of all the
waiters looking into my plate and wondering where my plus 1 is. Being alone
would mean lying you need a table for 2 and ending up sitting alone for the rest
of the evening. It would also mean paying the entire bill by myself and not
being able to finish the whole plate of food by myself.
And of
course I disagree.
If the
source of our validation is another human being, our sense of identity and
happiness will be at his mercy. Notwithstanding the fact that the person we
choose might be our soulmate and hence
the person who cares about us the most, even still. The existence &
presence then, of that person in our lives will determine what we feel and what
we don't feel, basis what the person says and does to us. Is that how we wanna
live our lives?
If we don't
like our own company, I wonder if anyone ever will enjoy ours. You could be the
clown amongst a group of people, but if u cant humor yourself & take
yourself less seriously, you haven’t truly developed a sense of humor.
If we feel
lesser about ourselves for the absence of a lover, we will never know the
embrace of our own soul in times when we are but alone in a crowded room.
If we feel embarrassed about engaging in activites that
make us happy for want of company,what really makes us happy then, except for
the presence of another person in our lives?
Being alone
is not being lonely.
Its about
being happy with our own company. Its about judging ourselves not on the basis
of anything external. Its about being happy with the kind of people we are when
we are alone, not the kind of person we become when there are others around.
It's being
courageous. Falling in love with ourselves ( of course not in a narcissistic
way) and being able to hear our own thoughts , while simultaneously having a
conversation in our heads, prioritizing our life goals, just being observant
and hence sensitive to people beyond our
immediate periphery of events.
Being alone
and spending time alone is calming. It
calms your nerves and collects you. You start evaluating what you stand for,
Like a calm sea which is deep and needs a moment to assess its depth.
Its not embarrassing
and the world doesn't judge you. If anything, You let them judge you and you shouldn't.
Much love.
To Me. J
